Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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