he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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