It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
