Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
