Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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