She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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