You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
