you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and she was petting her beer can
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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