Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck appropriateness.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
