Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
