turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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