Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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