i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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