Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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