Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
