Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
