she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
