Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
