i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
