I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
