I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
