Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
