this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
