I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
