Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
