I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
