i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
