Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize