He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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