Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
