apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
