Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
