He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
