youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
