Well apparently he's into motor boating.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
