We won't sleep together?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
