fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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