Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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