I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
