I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize