first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
