Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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