I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
