I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
