Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
