barbara walters just said penis...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
