dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
