when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
