She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
