Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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