he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
