I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
