2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
