if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
