I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize