So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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