If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
