Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had sex on a roof
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
