Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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