It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
