Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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