For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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