When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize