Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
