And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
