you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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