I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
