Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
