My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
