I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
