"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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