she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
